Jealousy, what is in it for me?

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I have learned something about the subject of “jealousy”. Jealousy is mostly looked upon as an evil act. When we feel it we try to dismiss it because we learned that it is a bad thing for us to entertain but it is real.

I had the privilege as everyone else to be jealous and recognise someone is jealous at me. It really did bother me so I thought I will find out why.

Firstly it is very human for all of us to have setbacks, to miss it, to fail, or to even think we are not doing well enough. The humanly easy way to deal with those thoughts and feelings is to find another human being who is also going through the same challenge or worse. We then start to feel that “oh I’m not alone” or “I’m actually better off”. That is why daily sun is doing so well in sales.

As an entrepreneur myself I have went through this a lot because entrepreneurship is known to be a lonely place for a simple reason. The chances of walking to the shops and meeting some who will understand what month-end does to you because you have employees with families to pay salaries to and the business is not doing well, are very small compared to having a baby with a high temperature conversation. I wish there was a daily sun of entrepreneurs. Business idea right there someone.

When we find someone with the same problem we start to think straight. You feel better. Maybe get some advice and you mostly make a plan. We all just need to know, we not the only ones.

Normally jealously as we know it occurs when we perceive someone to be doing better than us in a particular thing/aspect which we think we could have also achieved, we also capable of achieving. We can actually do better maybe. Someone who we think is on the same level with us, like age, gender, went to school together, similar to us in some way. The great thing is I can’t be jealous of Bill Gates or Warren Buffet they not on my league in this context.

Is jealousy a good or bad thing?

I think it is a great human copying mechanism. When we get jealous we are recognising that we need to up our game. We could have. We should have. Why didn’t we do that? Think of that? Are we ok? We can do it better. Is it possible, what are we learning, and what can we learn.

I have find that that there is a productive and efficient way (energy purposes) to use jealousy to serve me. Which is feeling it, all of it, recognise it, and accept it. Confess it if I can. Step 2 is to say how or what can I learn from this person.  If it’s about their dress size because they have so many kids and still look 16 years old and I don’t, I then ask myself a very important question, Is this important to me, to have a six pack, if it is, then can I found out how did they do it. I will just have to hope they don’t say “I have good genes” because that is heart breaking at some level. Luck at its best. Normal people who have succeeded they love to share all the time how they succeeded, they even offer help to someone who wants to achieve the same, I have learned.

If the person doesn’t want to share, do not get offended, know that there is something wrong. Like the car, the house, the clothes and the groceries all belongs to the bank and we actually don’t have a savings account, we have never heard of investments. We just got lucky enough someone gave us all this so we can work so hard for them, pay for each of them 5 times for the rest of our lives, we actually have no clue what happened. Maybe we tenderprenuers. You have no business learning about that. It might be better to sleep on a hungry stomach that have tenderprenuers problems. Walk away, you cannot be jealous of that.

If that particular thing is not important to me, then that is just a great opportunity for a gratitude excersize for the day. It’s ok to be grateful for trees, the sun, rain and your kids. But I have found out its much better to be greatful of people you know and don’t have any business being grateful of them. They also don’t even have to know. If you can let them know that will be even better but one step at a time. Gratefulness does a great trick to our minds, because our minds are so powerful yet they don’t know what is real and what is not. That is why we have to study about neutrons at school. So our great wonderful brain follows patterns.  Pattern detector. The more we say “yes” to something the more of it we see, then be, then have it. We all have experienced the buying a car experiment and all of a sudden there are so many cars like yours. You get pregnant and every other woman is pregnant.

So sometimes too simple things are difficult to implement. Every time you feel jealousy it’s a great opportunity to learn or say yes to something great. You start to see a lot of great things and eventually will start to experience your own great things.

Jealously can be such a great tool for self-development until you get over it because you are so busy with your own life that you don’t have time to be checking on other people’s business. It’s also called getting a life.

When you think someone is jealousy of you which mostly is not true.  But when it is true. Please do understand what they going through send them love and light.

Having an #EasyDay shouldn’t be so difficult. Get great projects in your life and jealously will be a thing of the past. It’s possible.

Busi Selesho

Wellness Coach

@busiSelesho

 

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